I am remembering what it was like being stuck in the grasp of alcohol . It was and is an addiction. When I was drinking that is all I could do. Nothing else came first. So many things in life were put to the side in favor of booze. Even in the beginning it was this way for me. Though at the time it did seem fun. As my years of drinking mounted up it became less fun and moved in to being a state of horror. How could I live with this drinking ... out could I live with out it . Surly I must die then .
But I lived and I can't tell you how in this post but some day I will try to explain it more . So I live through the change into sober living.Now many things are the same in who I am . Stop drinking does not turn you into a wonderful person unless you were one already. I am still very additive in my wants and desires. When I first got sober I bought all kinds of cleaning products ever week at the store. At one time I had more than a dozen spray bottles of something in the house . I think part of this obsession was to make the change from being a slob drunk to being a clean and sober person. Then there was the watches . Bought one ever month. Now it is the radio helicopter. Got to fly every day. And buy new ones and parts and stuff. What the difference in these things and my drinking is that they seem to dwindle in interest.. I have control over the behavior . I choose to buy or do what I want . I know if I can t buy another watch or heli part I won't . The obsession seems to wear off. That never happened with my drinking. Ever friggin day it was the same , had to drink no matter what .
Hope to see you all soon , I will try and not fly my heli too much and get back to this blog .
love you all , Jaybird
