After I got sober my thoughts and emotions became more real . They were not hindered , cloudy or masked . I began to really feel and think . This is a good thing but at times it really hurt . I was not happy with what I had done or things that I should have done .
I could make things better and issues with other people I could ask for forgiveness . The personal stuff about and only pertaining to me , like the care I gave to my animals , I had to deal with all on my own . I had some great guilt about that , the neglect in care I gave one special animal in the last years of his life .
After being sober for about 6 months it really hit me on a daily basis and I would get quite emotional about it . I knew I had to forgive my self . It was hindering my care of animals still with me . They could feel the negative energy . And that is all guilt is , Negative . It does no good for you . You have to get rid of it .
I knew I had to forgive my self and what I did was to say it out loud ,every day, "I need to forgive myself.I do for give myself ". Even if I did not believe it , I said it out loud . I think that anything can be done with practice . That is what I did every day , practice forgiving myself . After about 2 weeks it became a real thing for me . I said it one morning and it was like a shot of reality to me . I did really feel it to be true and I did not have to say it out loud any more . I still did not like what I had done , I did not approve of it but I did forgive myself for it .
Love you , Jaybird
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