Excess , is it too much ??

When I was drinking I knew I drank too  much . I would often throw up while still drinking . I would often be hung over . I would often have slurred speech and unsteady walk . All these things were certainly from drinking too much . I knew this while it was happening . What also was happening was I knew it was not enough . I always wanted more . If there was any left I would drink it no matter what . If there was a store open we would go get more . There could never be enough .
That has to be some kind of crazy , maybe a disease . To be able to know it is too much but to continue to do more , every time , is some kind of sick . Near the end , the last few years , I wanted to not be sick , to not be under this sickness that caused me to drink . You see at some point it changed from wanting to have more to not having a choice about it . I don't know if I really ever had a choice in those early years but certainly later when I wanted to stop I could not . In those early  years even though I knew it was too much it seemed to be my choice to do more . Then when I knew for sure I wanted to stop the misery I could not .
I really do not know all the answers but I do know I am happy to today .If you have any questions I will do my best to answer them .
Love you , Jaybird