I do not know what kind of presents I will be getting this year . Last few years I kinda knew what my big presents would be . They were very nice but sorta lost the surprise affect . This year it will be all surprise .
Last few years of my drinking I knew exactly what I was getting . At birthday and x-mas it was always the same . A half gallon of vodka and maybe a carton of cigarettes . I am tearing up a little right now thinking of that . The only thing important to me for my mom to get as gifts was booze . I am sad for me , the man I was then . I am more sad for my mom who had that man to love as a son . For her to only have those things to get me . I got a lump in my throat and a tear on my cheek .
I take a deep sigh and let that go . Not to forget , must never do that . But to let me live in the happiness that is now . One thing that I had learned before and can really apply in my life now is this ... do not let your happiness be intruded upon . I will remember those days but right now I am having a wonderful time . It is the season .
Love you , Jaybird
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